Non Diet Weight Loss

There were a lot of people who were interested in our recent telephone seminar but couldn’t listen in, so here are some notes on what we discussed. 

People had sent in questions beforehand, and these are some of the topics that were raised:

 “Why do I always sabotage myself?  Why do I always lose a bit of weight (say 2 stone) and then feel I don’t need to do any more and put it all back on again?”

“Why do I feel that I am scared of eating less?”

“If something tastes good, why do I have to clear my plate even if I’m full?”

“I put on weight in my 50’s even though I eat healthily and have been told it’s the peri-menopause and I just have to accept it – is this right?”

“I have changed my attitude but can’t seem to let go of certain habits like eating when I’m not hungry”

From the questions people sent in, most seemed very knowledgeable about food and diets, and knew what they “should” be doing. It was just doing it that was the problem. Some had tried other “intuitive eating approaches” like Paul McKenna or Geneen Roth.

Because the audience were knowledgeable, we didn’t talk about the basic principles of why it is vital to give up dieting and eat to hunger. We talked mainly about the effect of the unconscious mind.

The way I explained it was that it is like there are two people inside you who are affecting your eating. There is the conscious part of you that chatters away to you, tells you not to eat that chocolate and goes on diets. And then there is an unconscious part of you that actually controls your eating and your weight – I called this your “Eating Controller”.

I believe that most of our problems with food are caused by us not being aware of this unconscious part of us that is in charge. The truth is that you can hold out for so long against your Eating Controller but eventually it will win. It’s a bit like if you consciously try to stay awake when you need to sleep. You can do it for so long but eventually your body and unconscious mind takes over and you fall asleep. So it is with eating. The longer you fight against your Eating Controller, the more you’ll feel you “lose control” when you eventually give in.

So, the first main point I wanted people to understand was that you are not fully in conscious control of your eating. To be slim, you need to get this Eating Controller on side, rather than fighting against it.

If your eating controller has let you get fat, you may not be very happy with it. But the answer is not to sack it and take over conscious control of your eating (this is going on a diet and it doesn’t work). The answer is to work out how to influence your Eating Controller so it agrees to take over the job of keeping you slim. Then, staying slim becomes easy and effortless.

So, to relate this to some of the questions people asked –

One of the people who felt she “sabotaged” herself had had the experience in the past of doing really well with her eating and weight. But then her Dad died suddenly and after an initial period of being off food, she started bingeing.   This person clearly had a good level of self awareness and was scared of eating intuitively again as it felt like she was letting go of some of her grief.

Another thing that could be going on is that the Eating Controller could have made an association between eating intuitively and something bad happening. Because it is part of your unconscious mind, it is a bit like a child or animal and its associations may not be logical. So, it could be thinking “well, the last time we gave up bingeing, something terrible happened. We don’t want to do that again.”   

So, the second main point I wanted to get over was that your Eating Controller can have its own set of beliefs, associations and feelings that are dictating your eating behaviour. You won’t know about these consciously until you learn how to talk to your Eating Controller.

So, another person who felt that she “self sabotages” mentioned that she lost 10 stone very quickly when she was ill, and it was quite traumatic. It sounded very traumatic actually! So, I don’t know for sure what was going on but the little Eating Controller – like a child – could have some very negative associations about losing weight, and could equate losing weight with being scared, confused and ill.  You can see why you might lose a certain amount and then your Eating Controller would put its foot down and say “No More!”

Someone else felt scared of eating less and self conscious about being slimmer. It sounded as if her unconscious mind may have formed beliefs in childhood that it’s good to eat lots, to clear your plate, etc and also that it’s not good to be slim because you get lots of comments and feel self conscious.  So, there could be lots of reasons to eat plenty and not get too slim.

One person mentioned that she had some formidable great aunts who were very big and who told her to clear her plate, that it was good to be chubby and that you’d better eat up because you don’t know where your next meal is coming from.  As children we take in these messages and they can get stuck in your unconscious mind and then affect your Eating Controller’s behaviour. 

So, the person who put on weight in the peri-menopause could have some unconscious beliefs about the size of middle aged women. Another thing that often happens is that we put on a few pounds around this time and then go on a diet. And a diet is the beginning of the end for being slim.  You can then get into the yo-yo cycle and it’s downhill all the way. It can be reversed though!

When I hit 40, I put on about half a stone and thank goodness I was on good terms with my Eating Controller. We had a chat and it turned out it had a belief that everyone over 40 has to struggle with their weight. Heaven knows where I got that from, but it’s a pretty common message. One of my clients the other day reminded me about a Special K advert that said something ridiculous like “All women have to work at their figures”  What nonsense! So, anyway, I had a chat with my Eating Controller and it was happy to get rid of this belief. I lost the weight and have been fine since then. If I hadn’t known about this, I would probably have dieted and by now I would have been overweight and thinking about food all the time!

The process for getting to know your Eating Controller first involves LISTENING to it, and to do this you must pay attention to your hunger and fullness. Once you’ve done this, there are techniques that we cover in the Enlighten Programme home study course for actually talking directly to it, and changing its beliefs.

If you have any questions or comments on all this, please do comment on this blog post, and share it with others who may be interested.

In the telephone seminar, we also talked about alcohol, exercise, eating fats, breakfast cereal and stress, but I’m not going to write that part up.  If you have any questions about these, please comment on the blog below and I’ll answer them.

And if you were on the call and have any comments, I’d also love you to post them below. Thank you!