Sometimes you just have to feel bad!
Something that came out strongly in the recent telephone seminar is that giving up emotional eating can involve feeling our emotions more. And that this isn’t always pleasant!
We can get into the habit of eating in response to pretty much any emotion - boredom, loneliness, anger… even happiness. When we eat in response to bad emotions, it numbs the pain. It’s well known that foods like chocoate contain “feel good” chemicals, and food manufacturers work very hard to ensure that their foods push our emotional buttons.
When we give up using food in this way, it can be an unwelcome shock to feel these emotions directly. We either have to sit and wait for the emotion to pass or sometimes to acknowledge that the emotion is trying to tell us something.
How many of us stay in jobs we hate or in bad relationships and cope by numbing the emotions using food? Actually food is one of the least damaging ways to numb these emotions - it doesn’t affect others in the way alcohol, drugs or gambling tend to.
By numbing the emotions, we are choosing not to listen to them. In the short term this is the easier way forward but in the long term it isn’t good for us. The more we ignore our emotions the louder they have to shout at us, and the more food we need to drown them out! By listening to our emotions and feeling them without the comfort of food, we can hear the message they are sending us. Sometimes this is as simple as “Take a break. You can have a rest without needing to eat!” Other times it can be more challenging and may require a look at your life, which is why it is much easier to eat instead!
Sometimes it’s a valid choice to “comfort eat” i.e. choose to use food to feel better instead of completely experiencing our emotions. Sometimes we know why we feel bad and we know there’s nothing we can do about it in the short term. One of my clients is having a very bad time at work. She is taking action but in the short term it is quite unpleasant. Having the odd chocolate bar to help her through this is not a crime!
If you allow yourself sometimes to eat to feel better but do it without any of the self abuse that we normally put ourselves through, you will probably find that you only need a fairly small amount of chocoate (or whatever). My clients find that when they let go of the negative things they normally say to themselves and eat slowly and with enjoyment, they may even stop half way through a chocolate bar because they have had enough. Emotional eating and comfort eating becomes a more serious problem if we eat one chocolate, and then conclude that we must be a failure so we may as well eat the whole box!
